*marva78

Absence

Will be taking a little retreat from the cyber world and the usual stuff like going out and playing billiards.

Love you all and I appreciate all the support you have given me! I am a very happy and blessed person to have you all in my life!

I can honestly say that I am happy. Thank you for sticking around even when I pushed you away.

Love,

Selene

Sympathy For The Devil

Please vote for me on JPG Magazine! YES, you have to sign up... but if you are on here posting photographs; you should be a member anyways!

Thanks!

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PICTURE - Philosophy

There has been a lot of controversy regarding this picture. Those who know me personally find it appalling; those who don't, find it artistic and compelling.

Picture details:
The gun being used is a 357 Magnum, it is a real gun. Naturally, I took out all six hollow-point bullets before posing for the picture. The trigger is cocked and my left thumb is placed over it for the final "shot." The setting is my office and that is the actual color of my walls.

Symbolism:
Left thumb placement is deliberate. The idea was to deviate from the "Right Hand of God." The hands are also placed in together in prayer; head leaning forward but not fully resting on the barrel. The light was also emphasized over the gun; a ray of hope mixed with faith. I wanted to give it a sense of peaceful contemplation, an acceptance of death.

Actuality:
There is an obvious strain on my hands trying to hold the heavy gun in this position. The picture was quite an experience. Even with the bullets out, there was a sense of uneasiness. Everybody has thought of suicide at one point or another. Sitting there contemplating an empty barrel before my eyes, I wondered if this was cowardice or courage. Recreating a moment of wishful thinking; I realized even with the bullets out, I couldn't bring myself to suppress the trigger fully. As if that final click might magically end it all. To seize to exist and disappear into nothingness. Being pregnant, I thought of my baby first; but if I had nothing to live for or lose; could I do it? Deep in my shivering being I knew the answer to be "No." This act was beyond cowardice or courage; it encompassed greater feelings. Perhaps a sense of hopelessness and loss of faith. In my opinion: it would be a sense of utter desperation to escape a life not understood. To look down in a final moment of pure emotion without thought and complete resignation.